Heartbreak
I remember April 2, 2017 in great detail.
It was Sunday. We went to church. That particular day we stayed for several services and did a private Inner Healing Prayer session. We will forever be grateful for the things prayed for that day, when we not yet knew what laid ahead of us that night.
It was after midnight. We were praying over our home and blessing some of the rooms with the Lord's prayer.We were doing it specifically because of some things revealed to us in prayer that day during our Inner Healing Prayer. The phone rang. It was Troy, Mikes baby brother. Weird. Why would he be calling so late...? He lived in Florida but was actually in Ohio visiting. Another way God protected our hearts, before we even knew it. My husband answered the phone with regret because calling after midnight was most likely not a good thing.
That's when the heartbreak happened. Mike screamed out "What?!" in anger. He said "No, no!" repeatedly. I kept yelling "what's wrong!!?" And got no answer. London woke up from a deep sleep to all the noise. Mike hung up the phone and looked at me... "AJ passed away." he said. His hands trembling. Running his fingers through his hair over and over again. Tears flowing from his eyes. We both just stared blankly and looked around the hallway for answers.... like they would be stashed in the corner somewhere. But they weren't. At this point all we knew was, he was found deceased by his roomate, No "foul play" was suspected, and it happened in the bathroom.
How could this be??? But God, you said you would always protect our hearts?? He was that very minute. We just didn't know it. That is when the horrible reality came into truth, Who was going to tell his mother? Mike said, "Get dressed, get London together, we have to go tell Mom."
Oh Lord Jesus. Oh mercy. We prayed the entire way to my grandparents house where we dropped off London at 1:30 am to be babysat while we went and told a soon-to-be grieving mother that her middle child had suddenly passed away. Mike's father was the first notified, he lives in Florida about 4 hours away from AJ and he already knew.
She said when we knocked on the door that night, she expected us to tell her the news about 10 or 12 other people she could think of, but not her own child.
I watched as Michael, clutched onto his mother and held her on the ground while she cried. Heartbreak set into my heart over and over again. Ahh, there it is...I remember that feeling.
Since Troy was in town he was able to come and visit during this time. A full support system for Mike's mother to cling to while she tried to figure out finances, and how to get to Florida to bury her son. Mary's sisters and brother came to Ohio from New York to see her also.
Heart disease, high blood pressure and peripheral artery disease caused a ruptured aneurysm in Anthony's brain, we soon found out. Chances are there may have been some medication side effects mixed into these diagnosis' also. But he seemed so healthy! He was dedicated to doing his best in life. He was an Army veteran and served his country well. Mike's brother Troy recently finished his Army duties also, and had even been on Active Duty in Afghanistan. We scathed death then, worrying every day about his well being, only to have our returned Vet fight some health demons that were doing silent damage.
The next few weeks would be a whirlwind. Many people, including Patrick, Mike's father helped us get to Florida so we could bury AJ (Anthony Joseph Johnan) in the prestigious Cape Canaveral National Cemetary. We spent time with Mike's step mom DeeDee, his grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, and made many memories. We even got to take London to Disney world by way of a set of surprise tickets. We got to meet his amazing roomate, that was with AJ daily. We adore him. We got to meet his most recent girlfriend Darlene. She is someone who loved his heart the way his family did.
As we have come to a place of normalcy back home...every single day we think about Anthony and his kind heart. We have been calling him a gentle giant. His heart was so big...we learned he gave money out of his pockets to other soldiers who were struggling. He never forgot a birthday or holiday, he loved his niece London and she loved him so much. She asks about him often and we are so thankful that he had her to love on, since he didn't have any children. Mike went to the doctor when we returned, and got a clean bill of health because he didn't want to dishonor AJ by not taking care of himself.
What we have learned through this all is that God has rooted his feet in our lives so deeply that we cant fathom his love for us. I saw my husband become a man of total strength, and dignity through this process. He never once said, "I can't go on". Instead he said, "I have to do this-- for AJ." He was a rock. He poured out love when people needed it, and he dried up tears when it came time. He spoke at Anthony's funeral and his poise blew me away. I know for a fact that God was interceeding for us from the time we woke up that Sunday-- all the way until today. There are many ugly things that happen during a time of death, but the fruit of the spirit cannot be quenched when God is pouring joy all over your life and saturating you with unconditional love.
Just like AJ did to everyone he met.
Anthony Joseph Johnan
September 5, 1989
April 2, 2017
It was Sunday. We went to church. That particular day we stayed for several services and did a private Inner Healing Prayer session. We will forever be grateful for the things prayed for that day, when we not yet knew what laid ahead of us that night.
It was after midnight. We were praying over our home and blessing some of the rooms with the Lord's prayer.We were doing it specifically because of some things revealed to us in prayer that day during our Inner Healing Prayer. The phone rang. It was Troy, Mikes baby brother. Weird. Why would he be calling so late...? He lived in Florida but was actually in Ohio visiting. Another way God protected our hearts, before we even knew it. My husband answered the phone with regret because calling after midnight was most likely not a good thing.
That's when the heartbreak happened. Mike screamed out "What?!" in anger. He said "No, no!" repeatedly. I kept yelling "what's wrong!!?" And got no answer. London woke up from a deep sleep to all the noise. Mike hung up the phone and looked at me... "AJ passed away." he said. His hands trembling. Running his fingers through his hair over and over again. Tears flowing from his eyes. We both just stared blankly and looked around the hallway for answers.... like they would be stashed in the corner somewhere. But they weren't. At this point all we knew was, he was found deceased by his roomate, No "foul play" was suspected, and it happened in the bathroom.
How could this be??? But God, you said you would always protect our hearts?? He was that very minute. We just didn't know it. That is when the horrible reality came into truth, Who was going to tell his mother? Mike said, "Get dressed, get London together, we have to go tell Mom."
Oh Lord Jesus. Oh mercy. We prayed the entire way to my grandparents house where we dropped off London at 1:30 am to be babysat while we went and told a soon-to-be grieving mother that her middle child had suddenly passed away. Mike's father was the first notified, he lives in Florida about 4 hours away from AJ and he already knew.
She said when we knocked on the door that night, she expected us to tell her the news about 10 or 12 other people she could think of, but not her own child.
I watched as Michael, clutched onto his mother and held her on the ground while she cried. Heartbreak set into my heart over and over again. Ahh, there it is...I remember that feeling.
Since Troy was in town he was able to come and visit during this time. A full support system for Mike's mother to cling to while she tried to figure out finances, and how to get to Florida to bury her son. Mary's sisters and brother came to Ohio from New York to see her also.
Heart disease, high blood pressure and peripheral artery disease caused a ruptured aneurysm in Anthony's brain, we soon found out. Chances are there may have been some medication side effects mixed into these diagnosis' also. But he seemed so healthy! He was dedicated to doing his best in life. He was an Army veteran and served his country well. Mike's brother Troy recently finished his Army duties also, and had even been on Active Duty in Afghanistan. We scathed death then, worrying every day about his well being, only to have our returned Vet fight some health demons that were doing silent damage.
The next few weeks would be a whirlwind. Many people, including Patrick, Mike's father helped us get to Florida so we could bury AJ (Anthony Joseph Johnan) in the prestigious Cape Canaveral National Cemetary. We spent time with Mike's step mom DeeDee, his grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, and made many memories. We even got to take London to Disney world by way of a set of surprise tickets. We got to meet his amazing roomate, that was with AJ daily. We adore him. We got to meet his most recent girlfriend Darlene. She is someone who loved his heart the way his family did.
As we have come to a place of normalcy back home...every single day we think about Anthony and his kind heart. We have been calling him a gentle giant. His heart was so big...we learned he gave money out of his pockets to other soldiers who were struggling. He never forgot a birthday or holiday, he loved his niece London and she loved him so much. She asks about him often and we are so thankful that he had her to love on, since he didn't have any children. Mike went to the doctor when we returned, and got a clean bill of health because he didn't want to dishonor AJ by not taking care of himself.
What we have learned through this all is that God has rooted his feet in our lives so deeply that we cant fathom his love for us. I saw my husband become a man of total strength, and dignity through this process. He never once said, "I can't go on". Instead he said, "I have to do this-- for AJ." He was a rock. He poured out love when people needed it, and he dried up tears when it came time. He spoke at Anthony's funeral and his poise blew me away. I know for a fact that God was interceeding for us from the time we woke up that Sunday-- all the way until today. There are many ugly things that happen during a time of death, but the fruit of the spirit cannot be quenched when God is pouring joy all over your life and saturating you with unconditional love.
Just like AJ did to everyone he met.
Anthony Joseph Johnan
September 5, 1989
April 2, 2017
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